he makes me beautiful.

As many of you know, for the past 40 days, I have been fasting makeup. On August 11th it will officially be 2 months. Now, I know for some people that may not seem like a big deal. Oh, she went 2 months without makeup? Big whoop. There are kids out in the world starving and here she is complaining about fasting something so trivial. And I admit, it is a bit pathetic. But I would be lying if I told you these past few months have been easy. They haven't been. Not even close. For me, makeup is a shield, a security blanket. Something I can put up and hide from the world. I struggle with an addiction, in a way, to it. I seek it when I am feeling bad about myself and use it to try to be better. Makeup was my way of not having to face myself. I had become so addicted that I wouldn't be caught without it on. I even wore it around the house. For awhile now, I 've been suffering with low self-esteem and self-worth. I would pass mirrors and have to hold in tears. I remember praying to God at night, begging him to make me beautiful. To make me skinny, pretty, tall, gorgeous. But I still woke up every morning looking exactly the same, hating both God and myself. So I started wearing differently clothing, dieting, and wearing makeup. And people started liking me. There wasn't a time where I left the house without my hair exactly the way I wanted it or my makeup not done. But this year I started to take a few days off and stop keeping up these apperences. People asked if I was sick or tired. They said I wasn't looking like myself. Which is ironic because I probably looked the closest to my original self as I could. It mad me sick to think that people had thought the real me looked worse than the makeup me. I was so angry at myself for letting my addiction take over. I needed to take this to God. I needed to end it. So I prayed. And fasted. Giving up makeup was hard. Extremely hard. One of the most challenging things I've had to do, which says a lot. But I have learned so much in the past few months and I wouldn't change any of it. I don't need makeup to be beautiful. I don't need makeup to be accepted. I don't NEED makeup. What I need is God. The God who created me in HIS image. The God who made ne fearfully and wonderfully. The God who loves me and has a placed a deep beauty in my heart. He is the one I need to please. He is the one who makes me beautiful.