be a light.

It's funny how one thing can bring such joy to your heart. How one thing can convict you so much. That thing that other people may just look over can just grip at your heart and not let go. This is what this picture does to me. This is what that country does for me. I want to bring this type of pure hearted happiness to the kids of Africa. I want to show them Jesus.

he makes me beautiful.

As many of you know, for the past 40 days, I have been fasting makeup. On August 11th it will officially be 2 months. Now, I know for some people that may not seem like a big deal. Oh, she went 2 months without makeup? Big whoop. There are kids out in the world starving and here she is complaining about fasting something so trivial. And I admit, it is a bit pathetic. But I would be lying if I told you these past few months have been easy. They haven't been. Not even close. For me, makeup is a shield, a security blanket. Something I can put up and hide from the world. I struggle with an addiction, in a way, to it. I seek it when I am feeling bad about myself and use it to try to be better. Makeup was my way of not having to face myself. I had become so addicted that I wouldn't be caught without it on. I even wore it around the house. For awhile now, I 've been suffering with low self-esteem and self-worth. I would pass mirrors and have to hold in tears. I remember praying to God at night, begging him to make me beautiful. To make me skinny, pretty, tall, gorgeous. But I still woke up every morning looking exactly the same, hating both God and myself. So I started wearing differently clothing, dieting, and wearing makeup. And people started liking me. There wasn't a time where I left the house without my hair exactly the way I wanted it or my makeup not done. But this year I started to take a few days off and stop keeping up these apperences. People asked if I was sick or tired. They said I wasn't looking like myself. Which is ironic because I probably looked the closest to my original self as I could. It mad me sick to think that people had thought the real me looked worse than the makeup me. I was so angry at myself for letting my addiction take over. I needed to take this to God. I needed to end it. So I prayed. And fasted. Giving up makeup was hard. Extremely hard. One of the most challenging things I've had to do, which says a lot. But I have learned so much in the past few months and I wouldn't change any of it. I don't need makeup to be beautiful. I don't need makeup to be accepted. I don't NEED makeup. What I need is God. The God who created me in HIS image. The God who made ne fearfully and wonderfully. The God who loves me and has a placed a deep beauty in my heart. He is the one I need to please. He is the one who makes me beautiful.